In the past few trials, I feel like I've gotten bad at watching the fire.

I only switched the order of beaten eggs and cut onion, since onions are supposed to go first, right? (no, I know nothing about cooking so there's no credibility here).

Is it the order? Or is it because I was too excited to eat that I neglect to wait for the proper timing (temperature, at least, visual check)? It might also be because I've become afraid of seeing oil smoking by itself...

Even without a non-stick pan, I would always manage to cook scrambled eggs so that none of it would stick. Its just a matter of watching the heat. *sigh* To think, I was actually quite proud of this trivial skill.

By the way, its one onion bulb, sliced of course, then the two beaten eggs with some mayonnaise, then a tomato. Aside from the sticking problem, I'm also troubled how to best include the tomato. I want them still crunchy to the bite, but I wonder if I can make a change to turn it more,... appealing to taste? I tried dicing them instead of just cutting them into large strips, but...




High-level communication skills, is something I really want. I don't have a concrete idea of how I could achieve that level aside from perhaps schooling; I know it would involve self-study otherwise, but-

It should be inclusive, but also exclusive.
Normally, it would be enough to just be able to communicate your ideas. For example, when someone *suspicious* asks "Have you eaten lunch yet?", I would say, "Yes", and then turn my head back to what I am busy with at the moment. Very inclusive and exclusive.

When speaking to close friends, one would give details such as "I just finished eating." or "What, you haven't had lunch yet?". Inclusive, but not very exclusive. There are hints that the conversation is to be continued.

To what extent should one communicate their mind?

I like being brutally honest when I can afford it. If possible, I want to be someone who can communicate all my related ideas, while spewing out all my intents, worries, and warnings of impending doom and self-destruction.

"Yes, I've had lunch. Why are you concerned?" This example might be because I am simply annoyed right now?

Lately, there have been some recipients of such attacks, I don't know whether I ought pity them or not. I'd always choose my words, but they still come out harsh, especially since the recipients do not know me, or even have a slightest idea of my true character (that I don't mean harm, yeah.)



What, where is this blog post going? Oh, the eggs and these are related. You see, I was cooking eggs to serve as a snack, in the middle of the night. Its quiet, and this is the time that allows me to ponder on things; the sources of static are all asleep.

I thought, with my current attitude, I'l end up being someone who would stubbornly choose to be isolated, and live alone, so I wouldn't bother anyone. That's one dangerous though, don't you think? I was shocked at this too.


During class group-works, I would always choose to play solo. Heck, I don't know anybody in the class. I might remember some names, I remember more faces than names, but in general, there's no one anywhere, even in my other classes, that I talk to and feel happy hanging out with. But that's another story.

The thing is, it's because I don't want to cause another downfall (of grades and futures). There's an age gap, and I started negatively (the trauma of a previous severe downfall case will never end). I was not independent, and there's no one else but myself, even now. There is no help, I cannot help myself, and no help will come unless I find one myself, but I'm too stubborn to bother. Why, in my mind, I'd always think that fleeting existences are great; am I pulling myself down with these kind of thoughts? I don't know, I'm dumb. Even this paragraph is full of incomprehensible blabber.

Well, there's actually an improvement - if an able party was forced to me, there would be a good progress, for how long, i don't know. So far however, I've always felt I had to take the leader's position, even if I suck. Its arrogance, what else?




I thought, I should go see a guidance counselor.
The next few minutes, I'd say, "Nah, maybe next time, I'll think for myself for a longer while."
But no matter how long, there's nothing to squeeze out from an empty mind.

It should be normal to want to not cause harm, but I'm probably really selling myself short. Why doesn't my self-confidence equal to my innate arrogance? I want to find the culprit that made me like this and make them pay; I'm convinced that I have no participation in the stat-allocation for these fields.