I use twitter as the main media for my ramblings, but the character limit, really; I almost always find myself back to blogger to bypass that.

My self preservation instinct have always been in an the heights these past few weeks. Whichever media it was that I heard "running away is okay", I blame them for this.

However, I can only agree.
Argh. Whenever I manage to go one step closer to the TRUTH, the pain-inducing truth, the schorching truth, I'd also manage to step back. I have yet to fully open my eyes to the truth, and that the SERVER IS OBSOLETE ERROR isn't helping me. God.

As I am about to try again to face the truth, I feel that I ought to leave a message here. While this post doesn't really say anything, it could at least help me relax before plunging to the void.

Ahhh, up 'till today I've delayed finishing the latest version, now digital, of my last will. Although I consider it as nothing more of a joke, something for fun, the rest of the world will only have that as reference; I know no one who understands me enough, no one I could guarantee to able to infer anything about this shitty self.

Yes, yes, I'm posting this knowing that in the future this post may implicate me; I'll worry about what misfortunes this post could bring me when they come. I mean, in the future if I manage to live, this will be something I could laugh at, and this will be hilarious for sure.

Inspecting my mail full of unread subscription messages before reading my facebook notifications (which contains the truth).



Ahhh, what I was supposed to post in my twitter account is about how its fucking difficult to maintain a ninja life. Then I wished to add a comment of irony that such a feat is impossible, since I myself choose to broadcast myself through twitter. All while cursing and berating myself. I figured that won't fit in the 140 character limit (not that I tried), thus this post.

Maybe I'll distract myself for a while by cleaning my filthy keyboard (delaying the enlightenment about the truth).

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Posting unimportant stuff on my facebook wall has become a ritual to ward off negative feelings. Its only right to not post any hint of them(negative feelings) when doing so.

I get really disturbed when I come across other people's broadcast of their bad day. But more than that, I dislike seeing happy faces of people I expect to be more... fazed- with problems they supposedly should have. The flood of overconfident-looking pictures always manage to make me wince.

Might just be me being upset how other people seem happier than I am.

I should just unfollow these people, especially those with the overconfident-looking ones. Its not good to endure even the small matters.



Here I would refer to them as 'the bright ones', and I would be whining about how they make my eyes hurt. And then I'd be talking about how light has wave properties; keeping those kind of people close to me will unnecessarily stain my space I painted with my own colors. I frown as I imagine it happening.




...I've long realized I'm someone very easily influenced by other people's bright dispositions. Whether that is a good thing or not...




And then I laugh at myself after typing all these, for each of the confusing words, even checking both dictionary and thesaurus entries, just so I won't be mistaken with which words to use. All these when I should be doing something significantly more important.

Yes, yes, I'll focus now.


Ah. Ice cream don't work on me now, but recently I've been wanting more of Fruitas' melon shakes, the plain version without milk. Its a pity that tea erodes the enamel of the teeth, and that the cost for daily consumption is astronomical for a drink. I rather really stock art materials even if they are something that I rarely use. Water is great. I live with a bottle of water always at my side.

This reminds me of that story of the fox and the sour grapes.


Hah. Why am I back to the topic of compromises. Lately I always find myself mulling about this topic.

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Google + counts

I know that the internet is a big, scary place, but I still wonder where my posts' + (plus) counts come from. From my twitter maybe?

Its scary considering the possibility that the plus counts is only being done by one person. I'd have to check whether plus counts could be automated too.

But now that I'd had a post about it, and had my thoughts out of my mind, I hope this issue won't bother me as much.

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Attempt to Explain Everything

You wonder.

You know of other writers through browsing pages, asking search engines, and clicking share links. You read their posts and then the replies. What you felt after a good read, admiration.

You seek.

Knowing full well you're not on their level, you still try. When asked, you'd tell there's no reason, but you know there's a backstory. Subconsciously or not, you wish for that same feeling be directed to you. You say you only write for yourself, without a laudable objective. But you write them online anyway.

You expect.

There are stats to look at, but you'd install other counters anyways, saying it'd be fun to see. You write and stack a lot of drafts, but then you see numbers. So you publish even unfinished posts. Then you prepare explanations.

You fear.

As much as you have stories to tell, there'd be more questions to answer. You check over and over again, then begin to worry about trivial mistakes. You revise, rewrite, reconstruct everything until you're satisfied, or maybe, have given up on it. Then you start to attach disclaimers on every single post. You didn't want anyone to misunderstand, you say.

You remember.

From reading another of those posts you admire, you remember how you felt. You realized you never thought about what was on that author's mind, writing that piece of work. Did that writer, like you, have had this feelings you're having? There were no disclaimers, or even text to wrap up the article, but still you thought it was good.

You question.

What does it take to write something of that level? You envy his audience and skill. But if you only end up trying to become someone else, just stop it. What were you writing for anyway? Stop writing while being unsure of yourself. It's called being halfhearted.

Even with explanations, they'd appear as nonsense, written by an unsure mind.

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Third World Problems: News, Weather, and Traffic Updates

I've been increasing the number of accounts that I follow on Twitter since I had my account. It didn't have much impact on me until now since I only get to view their posts on my netbook; I didn't know they're just on a spamming spree. I mean, what's this? They're tweeting at light-speed, and the intervals don't leave any time to breath!

Every time I click on the 'new tweet' link to display the newest ones, I'd have to click on them again after who knows, one or two seconds.

I appreciate their efforts, I really do. Our country has been hot on trail on issues with the government, transparency, etc., and it makes me happy to know that there are efforts for change. People haven't lost hope, and if anything, they've become more aware and more active in watching the government. However, I believe they're doing their reports in the wrong, not to mention, annoying, way.

It's a problem the third world doesn't realize. I don't know how things go with the higher worlds, but I just know they're using this technology wrong. Twitter shouldn't be used this way. No, they should just build an independent system to relay information.

I've just unfollowed most of the news, weather, and traffic accounts on Twitter. I just can't process the feeds I'm receiving from them. Instead of appreciating their efforts, I might start to hate them for doing their work.

What exactly is the problem here?
Sure, them doing it on Twitter makes it easier for the net-people to access their feeds. It's just that, not all their feeds are what I want; Not all their feeds are important. To be frank, I don't really have a care about what happens outside my neighborhood. I do care about this country and its people, but I don't really wish to hear everything about it. The thing is, I don't have a choice.

The way they're doing things, they leave people without a choice.
They post everything in their channel. And since a lot happens every second, the news come and go. I want the option to see just what I wanted to see, and nothing more. I could always unfollow them so I won't need to deal with the reports I am not interested in, but then I won't be able to see the other reports that I may be interested in, or that I need.

I really rather unfollow them since the majority of their posts are not what I want to see. So I did.

I know I am being demanding here, but I don't think I'm being reasonable. It's just natural for people to complain; I am not complaining, really, I am just writing this to make the point, to point out the problem.

Instead of using social media accounts to serve out the information to people (whether they like it or not), possibly annoying them and thus result in people just turning away from the service (like I did, in unfollowing them), they should just make a system that would process queries on demand.

It should be a unified system where people get to customize their feeds according to their interests, location, and demand. The networks and the groups who are interested in publishing reports would then relay their topics to people through this system; where only the ones interested would receive the content. Isn't it a good way to deliver information? Individuals could make a profit out of it. It's like a magazine subscription, only everything is digitized, which is more convenient as we won't be needing papers, printing, and storage space for them.

Here comes the third world problem. I believe we don't have technologies for that. I mean, the weather department already have issues on their employee numbers, haven't they? There just isn't enough scientists in this country to create and maintain such a system. Its probably a side-effect of the general view to our people. It'd also be hard to protect it from hackers' attacks. They could hire Filipino hackers to protect the system, but I doubt they'll reveal themselves. The government should offer them life-time protection deal or something, but they might be used to attack other countries, which aftermath could be scary.

 We're pretty laid back. I myself do not wish to take up important roles, and just be an observer on the side. Is there a post in the government where all I need to do is comment on things and think up of ideas? If there is, I'd do it even without pay. I could only be a support-type here-

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Today, I uploaded a picture of my face.

I was high on coffee. That, or my mind was going haywire due to fatigue. Or both.

My feelings before I uploaded this must be 'being carried-away after changing my cover photo'.
Now I'm just causing quite a fuss in my notifications for the 'likes' and comments.

This was the accompanying description:

I SERIOUSLY WANT A SELFIE... but I'm a ninja so I hope you all understand I can't reveal my whole face. That's seriously old though. *defensive*
Now people,accept the evidence of my being a *ninja*.*runs away*
"I feel like a shameless kid now. What have I done... uploading something like this...", says me.
Just note that I am not trying to copy kakashi, that's a scarf, and was done on a whim, one day when I was left alone with the camera.
Thanks.I wonder how long I'd be able to keep this picture up. Haha.
EDIT: Yeah, my bangs are awesome.

Ah, just for the record, it was my first time actually having my face as my profile picture in Facebook. I am known as someone who does not fancy taking pictures of myself, or having my picture taken. This, uploading something like this, could be considered as something unimaginable. I myself do not understand how I ended up doing this.

I want to thoroughly explain where all this madness is coming from, but my mind is currently just rambling on me at light-speed, so I can't keep up. How, and where should I start explaining?

That I am a ninja?
My being a ninja comes from my nature of preferring stealth. I perform disappearing acts when I have a chance, whether necessary or not.

The picture was a whim which was taken when I was left alone at home with the camera. I just finished combing my hair from the bath, thus the awesome bangs effect. That was a scarf from Baguio, bought when I was still in high school. I probably saw the scarf by chance then thought it's okay to get some pictures of myself like this when no one's around.

So I did. The lighting was pretty okay back then too. Too bad my background isn't.

Right now, I'm just watching who of my Facebook friends would pay attention to the picture. It's a good measure of inactivity and interest. I'm even seeing unfamiliar names...

I just hope that this won't be a big mistake- I don't really want to end up in one of those memes circulating in the web. Really.
Wait, did I just give away the picture again by sharing it here?

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Manny Pacquiao to Run As President

I posted this on my facebook wall.
This is the permalink, but you may not be able to view it depending on my current privacy settings.
I need to take note of the permalink just in case.

Hindi ba mas-OK kung tatakbo siya as president? knowing na hindi naman sya mananalo- yung mga boto na mapupunta sa kanya, at least, hindi mapupunta sa iba. yung mga tipong boto na ganun, hindi makakacontribute sa vote count ng iba. parang mas-clear yung labas ng serious vote counts.not that i know much. ito lang masasabi ko.i don't care kung tatakbo sya, as i said, baka may benefits pa yung pagtakbo niya, pero ayaw ko syang maging presidente. hindi naman kailangang maging presidente para makapagsilbi sa mamamayan. siguro papayag ako pag nagtapos siya ng law or something.
actually, ano ba requirements sa pagtakbo? dapat may exam lahat ng candidates tungkol sa phil. constitution bago sila maging official candidates eh. meron bang ganun? kung wala, dapat meron. oh well.//freedom of speech 

It was my only post about Manny Pacquiao's statement that I've read about from Yahoo news.
Want to read more?

GMA News: Pacquiao lacks political experience to run as president — analysts

Fox News: Pacquiao says considering running for president

I might edit this post in the future.

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A Gamer's Save File

A certain save file was lost; and another file with my game's name had overwritten it.
The thing is, the game only asked once where to save my file. Players don't really have the option of saving the file into another slot- much more, overwrite another file.

Unfortunately for me, the victim won't try to understand. I mean, how can it be possibly my fault? When players save their files, the players only choose to save or not to save, and not have the choice to save over a different slot. Its been a long time, and I have been allowed to play the game again after that incident, so I thought the issue was over, but I was wrong.

Leaving for school, I left the PSP out in plain sight. Its not hard to miss since it's yellow. It wasn't mine or his, but our older cousin's. It was just being lent out to him. I thought it was fine to leave it there, and not hide it in my hiding place, since I'd only be gone for around 30 mins. When I got back, he was casually playing my save file.

There wasn't much of a shock the first time I realized it was my save file; But then I realized that act's effects and implications.

He was sitting by the door, on the sofa, comfortably. I knew something's wrong with him holding it again, since he said he won't play that game anymore since his file got deleted. Note that it was the only game in there that time. So I hurriedly took a glance on the screen. It was the same game I was playing. Ah, did he finally decide to play that game again?
gp
I left his side and headed to the room to drop my bag, thinking it was another save file. Not long after, he asked me, "Why are your characters so weak?" Huh? My characters? What the hell are you doing with my characters? He was playing my save file, quite casually too, like playing other people's save file,  is normal.

Raise the cold war flag!

I immediately asked him to stop. I know that asking him to stop is too late, since the game auto-saves, but regardless, I don't want him to continue what he's doing. "Why are you playing my file? Stop it!" I don't really remember my exact words. My mind was on chaos back then. The words didn't register to my memory. I just want him to stop.

"Huh? Why? I can't play my own characters since you deleted them!" I was speechless. I retaliated for a short while, and then gave up and left. I said something but I can't remember what it is too. I just remember I'm defending myself over that accusation since he's bringing it up again.

It was unfair.

One, I am certainly not at fault. Whatever happened, I am not sure, but I don't remember overwriting his save file. Is that even possible?

Two, even if I'm the one at fault for having his save file deleted, that incident doesn't neutralize what he just did.

Why can't he just start a new game? I'm guessing he already played 60 or maybe more hours of that game, but that shouldn't matter much. After all, it's just 60 hours. I highly doubt there'd be much achievements and irreplaceable items in his file, since I already played around 40 hours, and I know that the game don't just give out rare rewards. Item granting is pretty simplistic, and everything's bound to the storyline. One could just get those items again by running through the storyline.

He actually played my save file.

I gave up in stopping him from playing my game since who knows when he started playing it? Since the game auto-saves and all, some characters would've gotten XP, items, or whatever, even if he doesn't save. I don't really mind him playing my save files, but what I can't accept is that the file isn't just mine anymore. What he did made my efforts amount to nothing, nothing at all! How then could I possibly be genuinely proud of finishing that game, when the effort is not mine alone?

If I were to make a reference, this is Sephiroth unnecessarily involving himself with, meddling, and claiming to have something to do with events concerning Cloud Strife. God! Sephiroth! Just stay away and get your own life! (Yeah, I just finished that certain cut scene; No I'm not mentioning the game title.) Somehow, this compares to what I feel. A few days ago, I was laughing at Cloud's character, but even laughable characters could always do on their own, not needing anybody's meddling.

I admit that I am not so intent on finishing the game since it's impossible for me in terms of time and effort, but the little progress I get after defeating the enemies, strong or weak ones, are something I am proud of. Now I just don't care about that save file anymore.

I also dropped the thought that I could somehow hope to finish at least one game while the PSP is still with us.
I'm still a little angry, but I guess I could get over this soon. I'd just delete that save file later.

He might be thinking its okay to play my save file because I deleted his save file, or because its acceptable, normal, or not something that deserves consideration. Either ways, his way or thinking is flawed. NOT THAT I CARE! Well I actually care, but since its over a game, it should be fine to let this pass. I've always been thinking about how these kind of things are the only ones he's interested in doing. Its one of the few he'd find interesting and involve himself with, so just give it to him. Yeah, me and my high horse.

My respect for him as a fellow gamer is now all gone. I'm on a cold-war now and on a opinion-resetting/modifying-spree about him.
Now I'm convinced that playing games on consoles you do not exclusively own, is pointless.

I'm just glad and thankful I had a chance to learn the game's systems, which is what i'm generally after, and my reason in playing such games.

Keep yourself from feeling too much for mere save files.
It not good to spend so much energy for something so trivial. (Personality flaws of younger relatives are a different story though, since you can change them and influence their lives. If you want a chance to hit them in the face, get some training first.)
Another note to myself.

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